Van der Meulen sought professional help after horrific crash: 'Like being high for two weeks'

Max van der Meulen started his second season at Bahrain Victorious with big ambitions, but after just one and a half race days, disaster struck. The 22-year-old Dutchman crashed heavily at the Tour Down Under and although the team's initial reports were reassuring, it turned out he had suffered a head injury. IDL Pro Cycling caught up with Van der Meulen before his return to racing at the Tour of the Alps.

It was a nasty crash. I was lucky in one sense, because I landed face and head first on the tarmac. I was unconscious for a few minutes, apparently lying there convulsing on the ground. I don't remember any of that, which is actually a blessing.

After spending some more time in Australia I went home. In the end I couldn't ride for six weeks. I just lay on the sofa the whole time — it was rubbish.

It was mainly the head injury. I had some trouble with my arm, shoulder and jaw as well, but the head just wasn't getting better with time. For the first two weeks I felt absolutely terrible — constant headaches, like there was a huge cloud inside my head.

After that we tried four times to start again, but every time I had to stop after 20 or 30 minutes on the turbo trainer. After five weeks we took another week's rest, and when I finally got back on the bike after six weeks it went better. But my form was alarmingly bad.

Haha, I think you'd have been better than me — and lighter!

In the end it gave me a lot of time to focus on other things. When I was lying on the sofa in those early days, my life without cycling felt incredibly empty. That wasn't a good place to be, which is why I sought professional help from a psychologist for the first time.

I started reading more, drawing, writing — and I like playing the piano. I tried to find positive things to hold on to, but it was tough. In the end it actually came as a surprise that I'd be doing the Tour of the Alps.

I came into the winter with a lot of confidence and had genuinely made a step forward physically. I'm convinced that if I get the time, I can make that step again this season. There's still a big chunk of the year left, after all.

Six weeks. When I started back after six weeks' rest, it was an hour a day at first, and I built it up from there. I only did my first intervals a week before the Tour of the Alps.

In the first week back on the bike I could tell I was putting strain on it — like having muscle soreness but in your head. Sometimes I struggled to concentrate, but I had no more headaches, and that cloud in my head was gone.

It was really strange lying on the sofa — I could just sit there for two hours doing nothing. Like being high for two weeks, but not in a fun way. When I think back to that, I'm proud of myself and of my team that I'm back to where I am now.

That early positive mindset — where I kept telling myself I wanted to come back as quickly as possible — I had to let go of that quickly. You just hope it gets better, and when it still wasn't after five weeks, I did think: shit...

At a certain point you tell yourself it will take as long as it takes — but of course there are moments where you lose hope too. That's why it was good to talk to the people around me, to keep a realistic perspective. And on top of that, when I did start back, I was a long way from the level I wanted to be at, let alone where I ultimately want to get to.

I haven't done a lot of hard training, but since the intervals it's been quite a bit better. The goal is to finish and everything beyond that is a bonus. The stages aren't ultra-long, so I'm confident I can actually get to the finish — even if I'm going to suffer.